surprisngly the concert went really, really well!! None of my family could be there because of lots of little issues but I think that helped me relax and do better.

I did fine until the very end when I spaced on the words and just said the same words for the end of the previous verse. No one noticed.

Lots of applause, cheering and great comments. My instructor came up after the concert and gave me a big hug. She was so happy as was I.

One little girl came up after and asked for my autograp. It was a nice feeling and I was shocked she asked.

It made me realize that I do miss performing and I just need to get over my stage fright. This kind of theater was perfect. Small, intimate, cozy. It held probably 100 people and was not full at all. The lights were so bright from the stage you could see nothing of the audience. Just shapes and general figures but you could not tell who they were except for the first row.

All in all I am very pleased with it for the first performance in ten years. What I feeling! I forgot how much I missed it.

I upped my retirement withholding another $50 a month. $25 more to the 401k and $25 more to the 457 plan. It feels nice to be putting away more money and it really does not take a lot out of my paychecks. I think this will drop my total monthly income to a number I can live with, still get out of debt and still save some. Once I am ready to make a decision about buying a house I will take away some of the retirement savings for more house savings. There is also the $50 a month I put away to the ameritrade account and the $300 the state takes out for the state retirement too so I am looking at $900 or so a month away right now plus this extra $50.

Someone at work approached me about another job she knew about. It is similar to what I am doing now but would be with a university and hospitals. I jokingly told her, sure for about 25k more a year and she didn’t bat an eye. She said, I think you could ask for even more than that. I was floored. Seems my reputation for getting work completed has gone beyond the office and department I work in. I will get a resume to her right away so they can look it over and tell me yes or no with the skill sets I have.
It is yet another road to try and cross. At least I used to work at this university and am only a few months away from being completely vested in their retirement program.

I am off in my budgeting this month. I am already into the new allowance and this has to last until the 17th but I am already half way down. I can’t figure out what is making me so spendy and wanting to spend money. I also bought a new purse. Now I needed one but I did not need one that expensive. What am I thinking about these days?

Everything else is going good. I had a little altercation with a colleague this AM about something she was doing on work time after being out sick for two days. I told her it was inappropriate and could potentially be a problem for our employer legally for her to be doing this. She got upset and stopped but then I could not find her for several hours. When our boss called looking for her I was honest and said that I had been looking for her for several hours but had not seen her. Covering for an employee like this is not something I will do.

I had to sing again tonight. I did it perfectly during the rehearsal but then in the actual " performance" to a group of students I totally spaced on the words to the third verse. What the heck? I am so frustrated but decide next time I am choosing a piece from into the woods.

I hope things go smoothly Friday. My sister has not heard me sing since I was twelve and she and her family are coming. My niece is really excited about this. But I am scared the nerves will take over again. It has been so long since I performed but I thought it would be like riding a bike but I was wrong, it's not.

Ugh.

Quiet day today. I just made my grocery list out for the next couple of weeks or so. I have the coupons ready to print so I will head out in an hour or so.
I am still thinking about what I can do for my room. I am thinking of restructuring how he room is set up, maybe moving some furniture around to see what else I can do in here. Maybe moving my bed into the middle of the room more and putting up a small book case for a head board type thing. Would give me more storage in mu room and get my bed away from the wall where I can hear everything. Or I could just start looking for a new place to live. Not sure what I am going to do yet.

Having no real plans for the day is really nice. I will have groceries here, make some recipes for the week, pack some lunches and dinners, and then figure out the room thing, at least looking at what I can do in here.

I spent the day with my nieces and nephew for most of the day. I did rehearse 4 songs to try and figure out what I am going to do the concert, or not perform. I'll figure that out by Tuesday.

My nephew ad his first base ball game ever today. Hs did well but they lost the game. After it was over their family, my mother and I went to Red Robin for an early dinner. I volunteer to watch the kids so my sister and her hubby could go and do something. They ran to do a little shopping and then went to the gym together, swim and work out and whatever.
I watched the kids for about 3.5 hours so that they could do that.

I played Sorry with B (12) and M (4) while N (10) played outside for an hour with friends (our compromise) then he came in and the older kids and I played Monopoly. M assisted me with the banker duties (I told her what we needed and she did gave it to me, rolled the dice, moved my playing piece.) Come to think of it, I really didn’t do much except decide what properties to buy! When she began to get sleepy and I asked if she wanted to watch a movie. She snuggled up to me with her blanket and stuffed bunny and enjoyed her 20 minutes of movie. I think she was surprised I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie as I really don’t believe in it except for small times. Too much TV these days for kids in my opinion. The movie had been on about 20 minutes when sis and hubby came home. I really don't believe in the video thing but I know they have a routine bed time thing and that M would not have gone to bed for me any way.

We had a simply fantastic day and evening and my sister and her hubby got some much needed time alone together. It was just wonderful.

I sit in my room and look around and know I need to organize it better. I was so organized when I moved in but over the months (two years now!) I am not. Part of it is when you live in a small room you acquire more stuff over time but there is no more room to put stuff. I used to be good about if i brought something home, something else had to go out but I have fallen away from that recently. I think I am going to move a half book case into the corner where another one is and try to put something else in that corner. Maybe doing some “Feng Shui” make over will help the flow of energy and how I fel about my room. I am going to tackle one corner tomorrow and make it more livable and feel “cleaner and clearer”.

I blame BA and his room make over for this urge!

I had a two hour rehearsal with the accompanist tonight. He is very talented and spent almost twenty years on Broadway and traveling the world. He totally understand singing and acting is a really character himself.

It was a very frustrating rehearsal because I could not remember the words. Tone good, breathing good, timing excellent, personalization of song good. Remembering the words to the song you have known since you were 10, impossible.
I am unbelievable frustrated. We spent an hour after the rehearsal looking at new music and discussing the chance of changing the song. I just don’t know what to do.

Ugh, my dream of singing again is just frustrating me to no end. I am going to spend the rest of the night looking at old music scores and seeing if I can find something in one of them.

Maybe Children Will Listen from Into the Woods?

In my life version by bette midler?

No matter what from nottinghill?

Whistle down the wind from WDTW? (horrible play but love this song)

As if we never said good bye from Sunset blvd?

A light in the piazza from A light in the piazza? (beautiful play)

With one look from Sunset blvd?

Send in the clowns?

Ugh, lots to look at tomorrow. leaning toward children will listen becaus emy famly would enjoy it and it is a nice piece.

I am taking a voice class here in Sacramento that I love but struggle with. Tonight was our second solo performance of the semester. I am struggling with stage fright a bit and tonight I could not remember the words to the third verse. It frustrates me because I sang for years and now, phbt I can remember songs I have known for 15years?

The instructor still invited me to perform at the special pops concert at the college next friday. I said yes and she is a bit nervous I will forget the words again. So am I but I came home and sang it about 15 times and got all the words. I love this song!

I think part of my problem was the accompanist never worked with me ahead of time and theusic sounded very different than what I am used to. The new accompanist plays it like I know it and it flows better. I can't wait to get back on stage and sing again. I loved it when I was younger and miss it so much.

Thrifty Rays blog got me to thinking about life lists. (Have a wonderful vacation Thrifty Ray!)

I’ve created lists for as long as I can remember. I’ve created goals for myself, some that came true some that didn’t. I am nowhere near doing what I thought I would be doing at the age of 33.

Recently that movie the bucket list got me to thinking. I saw it several times with different groups of friends and discussed it a lot after. Then that scene from the move “Serendipity” came to me a few weeks ago at dinner with friends. The scene at the end of the movie where a friend has written another characters obituary. Morbid I know but it has gotten several of us thinking recently about lost goals, new goals and steps we can take to make them happen.

My friend A graduated from college this past December. She began ten years ago and after three years left school to support her husband to finish his. The plan was, he graduates then she would get to go back to school. Never happened! Her realization that her marriage was over was when he applied for graduate school and never told her. When he was accepted he told her they were moving to Phoenix. This did not happen. She left and never looked back. While celebrating Christmas with three friends she let spill that she had applied for a job out of state in the industry she has worked in for ten years. She got the job and moved in the beginning of January.

Why as I blogging so much about this? She has really inspired me to take a look where I am in life and see where I am going is not where I want to be. I struggle with the decisions I need to make and that the decisions may take me away from family and friends again, including my sister who just moved back to CA with her hubby and kids after 20 years abroad.

Then while writing all my goals and dreams I got an email from a friend who has no idea what I am thinking about or struggling with. Here it is below:

Top 100

I want you to list the top 100 things you want to do before you die. Is it too morbid? No, it’s too real because it’s your life.

If you don’t know what you want, why then are you living? If you don’t know what you want then others will dictate your life and tell you to do.

If you don’t know what you want you haven’t looked in the mirror and evaluated your being. If you don’t know what you want, you are someone else’s statistic. If you don’t know what you want to accomplish, you’re not going to get it done.

I want you to list the things you want to do and then set out to do them.

Include simple things.
Include your dreams.
Include the possible.
Include the impossible.
Include what you can afford.
Include what you can’t afford.
Include your loved ones.
Include your friends.
Include your past (i.e. I m forgiving so and so.)
Include your today.
Include your tomorrow.

Write it down.
Re-read it.
And then live it.

(Taken from a book titled “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall” by Dr. Samuel Kojoglanian also know as Dr. Rap. Dr. Rap is a famous heart specialist.)

It has been awhile for me to post but here are some updates:

I paid 1500 for a car repair on Friday. The lovely gentleman told me all about a special they had ONLY this month that included a buy 3 get one free rebate on struts. My struts were original to the car and I have about 125k miles on my car. One was leaking something so I said ok go ahead. Found out when I read the fine print on the rebate, the rebate is good through October 31. This means I could have waited a month and then been able to pay cash instead of paying 700 cash and charging the rest. (I only had 700 in my repair account but would have had the cash next month with tax returns and pay check.)

When I read that I raised holy hell and now am waiting for the owner of the branch to call me and “see what we can do to make sure I stay a customer.” The guy who told me all this BS said, well we only had 2 coupons left, I didn’t know if we would get more. When I replied it was listed on the manufactures website and a website is listed on the coupon he just said well I didn’t know. Bull! I feel totally taken advantage of and can’t believe it. I am not sure what to ask the owner but I feel like asking for all the labor to be repaid back to me. The parts I can live with, just give me back the labor I didn’t need to pay for until next month.

I took my niece and nephew to the movies Saturday to see the Horton movie. Pretty good and well done I thought. Cute afternoon had by all. I paid for it from the money I made house sitting Saturday night and picking up them at the train station Sunday. ($60) put the rest into the cc bill for the car repair.

I took them and their older sister and her friend for a Jamba Juice (they were at an open gym for gymnastics training and missed the movie). While we were walking to our car I noticed the car net to us had their front windows open a bit and a child in a car seat strapped in while no adults were around. I was shocked that someone would leave their child in car unattended. Luckily the day was cool but I was furious. Since it was parked closest to the JJ I asked the kids (two 12 year olds, a 10 year old and a four year old to get in my car and put their seat belts on. I walked back to the JJ and yelled as loud as I could at the 16 or so people, “Has someone here left their child unattended in their car? I just called the police and I wanted you to know.”

A man slunk off his seat and about 8 people followed him out. I knew they were not with him but I am glad there were other witnesses because I totally chewed him out about it as he got his absolutely adorable daughter out of his car.

He actually told me the following two statements:

"It is not hot, the windows are down and she was safe as the car doors were locked." I asked him to relock his car the way he had before. In front of the entire group now standing there I stuck my hand through the open window and unlocked the car and opened the back door. No alarm. I told him if you unlock the car from within it turns off the alarms for most cars." He went white.

The second thing he told me was that his "daughter was shy and would not go with strangers." I said “really? I talked to her through the front door and she came right over to me and held my hand when she got out of the car. In 30 second you could have lost your daughter for ever.”

Just at that time the police came up, partly because I called and also because someone called and reported a hysterical woman (me) yelling at a man and a child (him). I don’t know what the eventually did but the police took statements from everyone who watched him get her out of the car and me.

The kids who were with me just watched and said nothing until I got back in the car then they said they were proud of me for saying something to him. I was so mad I had to sit there for a few minutes and calm down.

I told the friend of my niece to tell her parents I am not a raving lunatic but I will say something if it impacts a child. She told her mom who called me, all her mom said was thank you for teaching my daughter that sometimes it is necessary to get involved and save someone and that it is not OK to leave her younger brother and sister in the car for, even just for a minute.

For those of you who might have heard about the incident, I apologize for the disturbance!

The rest of the past few days have gone by quietly.